Clara Hinton
Grief Speaker, Author, and Workshop Leader

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People Don't Know What to Say!

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6/10/2013 (Grief Relief)

Note:This article is written by a bereaved mother following the loss of her son.  She writes in a clear manner, easy to understand, and her words are written with so much emotion coming straight from the heart.  Please read the words of what this mother has to say when "People Don't Know What to Say!".

“I want to share this note that I wrote a few months ago and it is my hope that you will use this and learn from it.

People often don’t know what to say following the loss of a child and they end up saying stupid things!  Or, they are afraid to say anything and so they stay silent.

Being the mom who has lost her son, I prefer they “speak his name”!

Speak Their Names

If you see me with a blank stare while in a crowded room, you must forgive me.  I have left, but I will return soon.  You see, there’s not an hour of time – asleep or awake – that he’s not in my thoughts, my soul, my heart…..always.

This loneliness is unseen and so misunderstood by most.  Only eyes and hearts that have been weakened by the ghosts, understand the depth I feel.  This empty, heart-throbbing pain is forever ……forever and always real.

And, don’t think you’ll upset me by speaking his name.  You can never upset me any more than I already am.  I walk each day in pain.

It’s an odd sort of comfort – hearing you speak of him.  Please don’t deny his existence by your silence.  He was my first born, my son, my friend.

You see, he’s as real to me now as he was to you back then.   He’s alive in my memories, my heart, and my soul – the place where I now carry him.

He’s alive in his child with her daddy’s eyes of blue!  The first man that ever loved her – Daddy Shawn, my son, and she knows that’s true!

So, don’t feel sad or afraid when I stare.  Just smile and feel happy knowing I’m with him…there….

Written by:  Connie Vance-Kingery – bereaved mother


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