Clara Hinton
Grief Speaker, Author, and Workshop Leader

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Miscarriage is Such an Empty Feeling

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7/15/2013 (Grief Relief)

Miscarriage is a loss that is so difficult to explain to others. When child loss occurs through a miscarriage, it very seldom seems real to others because in an early miscarriage there is nothing that solidly validates a new life. A mother knows almost instantly that she is carrying a baby because her body goes through so many physical changes every day. Hormone levels are rapidly changing and things such as extreme fatigue, morning sickness, and a heightened sense of smell are all indicators that something is happening to a woman’s body.

 

The most unique way a mother can tell she is pregnant is by that feeling of fullness that she gets even when the baby is only the size of a grain of rice. Many may question this, but every mother will tell you that she just knows she is pregnant. There is an inward sense as well as the physical symptoms. When this is coupled with the many emotional changes that take place almost instantly upon learning of a pregnancy, there is no doubt to a woman that she is carrying a life inside of her.

 

When a miscarriage occurs, most often the loss is totally unexpected and it occurs suddenly. One day there is a healthy heart beating on the monitor at the doctor’s office, and the next day the heart that was beating so strong has stopped. When this early loss occurs, one of the deepest heartaches a mother experiences is that feeling of emptiness.

 

The empty feeling is at times almost unbearable. When a D & C takes place, or when a mother miscarries naturally, her body suddenly goes into a quick reverse. One minute the body was giving out signals that there was a pregnancy. Hormones were multiplying, the size of the uterus was increasing, the baby was growing, there was pressure on the bladder, and the mother could feel the increased uterus. This is probably the greatest feeling of all—knowing that her body is changing daily to accommodate a new life.

 

When the uterus no longer is holding a baby, there is an empty feeling that is like a raging appetite that needs to be filled; only there is nothing that can satisfy the hunger pains. The emotional emptiness is as real as the physical emptiness, and that, too, needs to be satisfied. What can be done to help fill the emptiness of a miscarriage?

 

It takes a lot of time to work through the emptiness. The body that was 6, 8, or more weeks pregnant is going to need at least that amount of time to feel physically back to normal again. The emotional emptiness takes more time. This is the period of time that a mother needs to take special care of herself. Get lots of rest. Drink lots of fluids to prevent dehydration. Be aware of the possibility of depression and seek immediate help if there are any indications of pain that is too unbearable. Set up a support system of friends and family members to help during this time of readjustment. And, remind yourself often that each day is one day forward in the journey of grief. The empty feeling will leave, but grief cannot be rushed. When you give yourself permission to grieve, you are also giving yourself permission to heal. Time and support are your greatest friends following the emptiness of a miscarriage.


If you are interested in a workshop or Clara coming to speak to your group, please email Clara at: clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com. Every attempt will be made to get back to you within two business days.
 
 
 

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