I Will NEVER Forget What Happened the Day After My Son Died

Child loss is traumatic.  I will always remember the phone call I received saying, “They tried.  They tried for over an hour, but they couldn’t save him.”

I was in bed at the time I received that life-changing call, and I can remember letting out moans that didn’t sound human.  I’ve tried to hide that moment in the recesses of my mind, but I can’t.  That’s just how trauma works.  Every time the phone rings in the evening, I jump.  My body tenses, and I begin screaming out, “Please, God!  Please don’t let this happen again!”         May 22, 2015 my son Mike died very unexpectedly of a massive heart attack.  My grief is so raw yet, that I find it difficult to express the pain I feel right now.  Every day there are tears.  Every day there are thoughts of Mike, his wife, and his beautiful children.

Every day my heart weeps for the son that left this earth far, far too soon.  My heart weeps because I didn’t have the opportunity to say all the things I wanted to tell him — how proud I was of him, what an awesome husband and father he was, and how much we all looked up to him as a family.

My heart weeps because I miss him.  His entire family misses him.  His friends miss him.  And, it’s an agonizing, daily pain that doesn’t want to go away.

He left without any of us being able to say goodbye, and my heart is forever broken.

I cannot understand people who don’t “get it” about the pain of child loss.  In this very short video, please listen to what happened to me the day after my son died that has added to pain of my broken heart.

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As long as I live, I will never forget what happened the day after my son died.  How is it possible to be that oblivious to the pain of losing a child?

I think sometimes people think because we’ve lost an adult child the pain isn’t the same as losing a young child.

I agree.  The pain isn’t the same.  But, there is still brokenness.  There is still trauma, shock, and deep, penetrating grief that lasts for a long, long time.

How sad that in this educated world in which we live there are still people who cannot grasp the depth of pain felt when a child dies.  How sad that parents, grandparents, and siblings are the ones who have to educate others about child loss!

How sad that anyone has to endure the loss of a child.

My love to each one who has visited this place today.  May your heart know that you are not alone in your pain.  May you feel the bond of friendship here.  May you know that there are others who sincerely care.

My love to you,

Clara