Married to a Pedophile: Facing Father’s Day with Dad in Prison

Two years.  It’s been two years now since the father of my children was sentenced to prison for the rest of his earthly life.  He was sentenced just a couple of days before Father’s Day.  And I’m left without words.  What does a mother say to her children under circumstances like this?  “Soon you’ll all feel better.”  “Life will be back to normal before you know it.”  “Just pretend everything’s okay.”  Those words don’t fit — not at all!

What should I say?  How do I help ease the pain that is stirring within the hearts of my children right now?  They loved their dad so much!  I’m sure beneath the surface of crushing pain, there is still love.  He’s their father, but for now he’s their father who has been convicted of some of the worst offenses known to mankind. 

Everywhere one turns there are reminders that Father’s Day is approaching.  The stores are full of loving cards for fathers.  Sermons will be preached on the blessing of godly fathers.  Facebook will be full of letters and special quotes and sayings to fathers who are sorely missed and loved.  Pictures will be posted of fathers.  Family pictures will be taken with fathers.  There will be weekend fishing trips with dads.  Gifts bought.  Restaurants will be filled to capacity with children and their fathers.

What do I suggest to my children to do on this Father’s Day?  What do others in similar situations do?  I have yet to find any kind of guide book.  I can’t find any books or articles called “Ways for Children to Survive Father’s Day When Dad is a Child Molester.”  I’ve looked on prison websites.  I’ve searched high and low for help.  If there’s something out there, I’d like to know so that I can help my children and others who are living this daily nightmare to know how to get through Father’s Day.

I haven’t slept well for several nights knowing Father’s Day is approaching.  We always made a big celebration out of this special day.  When the kids were young, I baked John a cake, cooked a special meal for him, and the kids showered him with hugs, cheers, and handmade cards and gifts.

When they got older, they took him out every Father’s Day morning to breakfast and enjoyed their special time with him.  Such pride!  Always, pride and respect for their father.

He was a great dad.  He was also a child molester.  How do you balance the two?

The answer is — I don’t know.  I really don’t know.  I wish I was wiser.  I wish I would get hit with some lightening bolt of inspiration. I wish I could say, “This is how to do it.  This is what you should do.”  But, the truth is — I don’t know what to do that could possibly help my children.

And, so we will face this day with courage together.  I will never be their father.  I can’t be.  But, I can be there for them on this Father’s Day — to talk to them if they feel like it.  Or to listen to their silence if that’s what they prefer.  But, I will be there.  Standing off to the side, my heart aching, my lips praying, tears falling.

When someone tries to justify or feel pity in any way for what pedophiles do, I want you to remember the impact their actions have on so many people.  Pedophiles bring pain into the lives of the children they have molested.  They bring pain into the lives of their families who have innocently been pulled into this nightmare.  They have brought pain into the lives of their community, their churches, and to all who knew and trusted them.

Please read this — a hundred times over if you have to.  Pedophiles harm children.  Pedophiles harm adults.  Pedophiles bring pain and suffering into the lives of all they know.  And, the pain often lasts a lifetime!

It’s time — it is time to do everything we can to put an end to this type of ongoing tragedy.  It’s time we find ways to give help and encouragement to those who have fallen into the entrapment of  pedophiles.  It’s time to speak up and speak out! 

God bless all children who have been impacted in some way by the actions of a pedophile this Father’s Day.  Many hearts reach out to you in love.

One day it will get better.  It has to!

Love,

Clara