Married to a Pedophile: Halloween Monsters in Church!

Every time Halloween rolls around, my thoughts go back to a special church service that took place in October about eleven years into my marriage.   I can truly say it’s one that I will never forget, nor will anyone that was sitting in the audience ever forget.  There are certain things that are burned into a person’s mind, and this is one of them.

Before I go further into the story, let me take this time to thank you for being here.  Thanks for reading, for following along, and for “getting it” about the seriousness of emotional and sexual abuse, child molestation, and how important it is to provide a means for those who have been used and abused to find a healing place.  If you are new to this blog, I strongly suggest that you begin here, and read each blog in chronological order because there is a progression from manipulation to molestation that is so important for you to understand.

Okay, back to this story.

John was one who went from extreme to extreme.  One year he’d preach on the damnation of celebrating Christmas.  He said it was a pagan holiday and nobody knew when the birth of Christ really was, and he’d ramble on and on about how horrible it was to use the word “Christmas” at all.  The next year, he would be handing out candy gifts to all of the kids at church and would be “a jolly old Santa” sporting a Christmas tie.  I could never figure him out — ever!

Halloween was one holiday, though, that he really stood firm on — this was a satanic holiday and NOBODY who wore the name Christian should ever celebrate this day.  I know this is a controversial issue among Christians, so I’m not going to go over the book, chapter, and verse of Halloween vs. non-Halloween in this blog.  I’ll just say that I grew up in a family where we were of Christian belief and we did have fun trick-or-treating.  I didn’t know of any satanic references until hearing them from John so we were worlds apart on this issue.  But, I was not in a position of going against him.  John knew that I would go along with whatever he said.  By now, my brain had gone to mush.  I gave up trying to think for myself, as is the case for those suffering emotional control and abuse.

This particular year was different, though.  For some reason, John was all into Halloween.  He bought party books on how to host a fun party.  In fact, we hosted the party at our home.  We had bobbing for apples.  Pumpkin carving.  Prizes for the best costumes.  And, he even planned a maze in our corn field.  Of course, he was the one hiding in the cornstalks with the chain saw that he revved up every time people passed by.

He made no sense to me.  Oh, well.  I enjoyed the fun while it lasted because I knew that the next year might be totally different.  I might have to explain to the kids once again why we weren’t allowed to say the word “Halloween” because it was equal to a swear word.

We had the best party ever, and pretty much the entire church attended except for a few of the older people.  

John was giddy with excitement on Sunday morning, the day after the party.  He said he had the best surprize ever! In his words, “I’m going to have people jumping out of their seats this morning!”

My heart began getting a sick feeling.  I hated not knowing what trick he was going to pull out of his hat.  Our church was an extremely conservative church of Christ , non-instrumental group.  So, I feared what John had in mind.

As he began preaching on this particular Sunday, I could see that he was super excited.  His hands were animated as he talked, and he was using bible illustrations to drive home some really good points.  Right at the end of the sermon I noticed a change in him.  He had a look — that look he got where he pursed his lips and he squinted his eyes — beady-like.

He was preaching — reading from the bible — when he reached down for what I thought was the usual glass of water he kept on the shelf beneath the pulpit.  But, his head stayed down too long.  I knew something was going to happen, and I knew it wasn’t going to be good!

Lo and behold, when he stood up, he let out a loud “WAKE UP YOU SLEEPERS! PAY ATTENTION!  THIS IS GOD’S HOUSE — NOT YOUR PLACE TO TAKE A NAP!”

He had on a monster mask — a frightful mask,  and he was screaming! With one fell swoop, he struck a match and threw a string of lit firecrackers into the audience!

People screamed!  Some thought there were gun shots!  Others clutched their chests.  Babies cried.  It was horrible!  Absolutely horrible!  And, John stood there calmly, very slowly taking off the mask, and went right on without skipping a beat to offer the hymn of invitation to those who wanted to dedicate their lives to Christ by being baptized.

Shock!  Total shock!  That’s what this was.  But, you know what was the most shocking thing of all?  John walked away that morning a hero in the eyes of most people.  He was daring.  He was funny.  He was interesting.  He did things nobody else had ever dreamed of doing.  He used illustrations that they’d never forget.  He was a hero!

And, all the while he was continuing to lay out his master plan of manipulation.  Can you see it?  Do you understand how this all works?  One year it was “no Halloween” because it was evil.  The next year the same preacher throws a party, and suddenly Halloween is good and fun.  He even puts on a mask in the pulpit and scares the living daylights out of everyone and goes so far as to light a firecracker (dangerous, to say the least) and throw it into the audience!

Nobody ever called him out on this — ever!  The kids in church thought he was the coolest preacher ever.  Nobody else’s preacher ever did stuff like this.  He was once again the charmed minister that everybody loved!

You might be asking what in the world this Halloween monster church episode has to do with pedophilia and child molestation.  Please listen, and listen very carefully.  Keep in mind that by John’s own admission to the authorities when he was arrested, he was molesting children by the time he was fourteen.  He knew how to manipulate, groom, control, gain trust, and then work his way to doing the unimaginable — molesting a child without ever being suspected of committing such a crime.  Why?

Read the paragraph below as quoted from NotWithMyChild.org under the description of how to spot a child predator:

~ A person who refuses to honor boundaries set by you or by society in general

These are all signs of grooming that child predators will use on you, your family, and on entire communities. There is no way to know for sure if someone is a child molester until they have violated a child. Therefore, you cannot accuse someone based on this information. Instead, you can use this as a tool to screen out high risk people, and to keep them away from your children.

Child predators are smart.  They work long and hard to gain your trust.  They are charming.  They are fun.  Kids love them because they are funny and kind and helpful, and make them feel special!  John’s mask stunt was hilarious to the kids at church.  He was able to control not just his wife (me), but the entire church — old, conservative church goers adored him.  Why?  Because John was in control!

Do you know someone with characteristic traits like this?  Are you living with a heaven/hell type person?  One minute something is okay, the next minute it’s the biggest sin in the world?  Do you feel like you are going crazy?  Do you feel like you’re constantly on edge wondering what this person is going to do?  Do you feel trapped — like you want to get away, but you know that you can’t because you no longer have control over yourself?  Do you see a charmer, but you know deep inside that there is something very wrong?  These are just a few tell-tale signs of an abusive person, and they just might be the very real “red flags” of a person who is planning to molest your child!

Who are child molesters?  I’ll say it again and again and again.  They are the person you’d least suspect.  The child molester is the fun person.  The one who is liked by so many people.  The charmer.  The one who loves to entertain kids and make them laugh.  The one parents love and trust. The Sunday school teacher.  The beloved best friend of the family.  The coach that spends extra time with your child.  The neighbor who offers to babysit for free.

In my case, the molester was my husband and I never knew it.

Please stay alert.  Please pay attention to the “odd” things that just don’t seem to add up.  Please don’t allow your children to be alone with an adult without your supervision.  If your child tells you about being touched, grabbed, shown pornography, or made to touch an adult’s private parts, please don’t shut that child out.  Listen and believe your child! Take action today!  Get safety plans in place for your church, daycare, and yes, even your home! For the sake of the children, let’s continue to get educated and take this very seriously.  Child abuse hurts.  And, sometimes the hurt is forever!

Love,

Clara

PS  Thank you for continuing to share this blog with anyone and everyone you know that is interested in keeping their children safe from practicing pedophiles and other molesters.