Married to a Pedophile: “It Will Never Happen to Us……” -Guest Blog

Child molestation is something we think will never, ever happen in our family. We fool ourselves into thinking that this is something you read about in the newspaper or see on Dateline or on the evening news every now and then.

WRONG!  Pedophiles are living among us in every walk of life and they are thinking about YOUR child constantly, planning how to MOLEST your child, and they will not stop until their mission is carried out.  How do I know?  I heard it from the mouth of a pedophile — the man I was married to for almost forty years. In his words, “If I wasn’t in prison I’d still be doing what I did from my teen years — I’d be molesting children.”   begin reading here so that you can understand why this blog is being written.  Almost a half million people have now visited this blog and keep coming back faithfully to be educated and to learn how to be better informed about preventing child molestation in our own homes.

Today, I’m so happy to have a guest blog written by a person who asked to remain anonymous in order to protect the privacy of the individuals mentioned.  This post is powerful and has so much great information in it.  Please soak it up, digest the words, and share!!!

“It Will Never Happen to Us”……Guest Blog ( by Anonymous)

1 in 4 girls is molested in the United States and 1 in 6 boys is molested from statistics that I can find. I see many parents, especially in conservative society, struggle to find the method to the madness of preventing and protecting their children from being molested.

There are random statements that are often thrown around by many different people, mostly parents who have never had experience (thankfully) with dealing with child molesters or pedophiles. For this reason, I am choosing to write this article to perhaps help those parents to realize how ignorant some of their ideas and statements can be.

Ignorant Statement #1

“My daughter/son thanked me the other day for never putting them in the position to allow them to get molested.”

Why is this an ignorant statement? The one reason is that parents that are hurting from finding out that their child, whom they worked very hard day and night to protect and shelter,  has been molested over a matter of years.  One young woman spoke to her family in her 20’s letting her mom know about how she was molested at the dinner table and in the bedroom she shared with several other siblings with no door over a matter of years by a “Christian brother” that visited at times.   Another mother mourned the loss of her children’s innocence in learning her son had molested and raped his sisters over many years’ time. Yet another mother learned her husband had a double life of being a minister and doing unseemly things to his children at home. They were threatened with pain, injury and the law if they told.  These stories are not uncommon! 

Ignorant Statement #2

“I never let my children out of my sight and so there is never a chance for them to be molested.”

There are some parents that live their whole lives making sure their children never leave their side to protect them. However, as in the stories stated above, there are still high incidences of abuse in very watchful, sheltered homes. Why? One of the reasons is that many incidences of abuse do not come from strangers. Most molesters are men or teenage boys, less likely are women, but it can happen. Many of them are married or have been married (77%) and 93% of them are religious. There is high incidence among white, married, with a profession of religion that live in the USA that commit crimes of molestation.  Hispanic, African-American, Asian, and even Native American cases of molestation are either not reported as much or the incidences are that much lower.  Only 10% of molestation comes from a stranger.

When we think that the fact that we will never let our children out of our sight or with non-family members protects us, which is an ignorant statement because of the risk factors. Your child is more at risk in your home among family and friends than he/she is out among strangers.

Tell Others the Facts!

Ignorant Statement #3

“I am sure that mom had to have known it was happening. There is just no way a mom would be that ignorant to not have known. My kids tell me everything and I know they would not have kept it a secret.”

The first thing to admit is that we are fallible as parents. The second would be to admit that while we may be great parents, there are some evil, wicked people out there that  use their minds to constantly seek evil towards others.

“An heart that devises wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,” Proverbs 6:18, KJV.

 This is not how the general mind of someone who is not a pedophile works. One thing that a mom or dad needs to realize is that the people you are careful of are likely not the most dangerous. It is generally the nice man who sits next to you in church that molests his nieces at night when they come to visit. It might more likely be the father that looks like he has all the answers, is strict with his children, has good rules, but is more likely to be a pedophile than the one that is looser with his children.  Sound confusing? I know. It makes you as a parent feels like you are never going to be able to prevent this or keep your children safe.

I am unsure of why the statistics are this way, but conservative religious households with more guidelines and strict rules are more likely to have children that are molested than the other. I am not sure if it is because pedophiles tend to be drawn to the churches with many rules or that people raised in those societies are easier targets, as they don’t believe they are at risk.

The devil wants your children. He wants to steal, kill and destroy and he will do it through your ignorance. If you have made one of these ignorant statements, stop and think. “How can I change that ignorant statement into a positive statement and actually work on protecting my children from harm?”

We do not have to look far to see the conservative giants that have been felled by the sin of sexual misconduct; Doug Phillips and Bill Gothard are just among the most recent.

The most common statement that is often heard when you learn that someone was convicted of molesting a child is, “I would have never thought it of him! Are you sure? Could someone maybe have accused him falsely? Everyday people are accused falsely of this. We need to make sure it is right.”

While this may be true, often we tend to protect the victimizer instead of the victim when we say these things!!

Let’s instead take some of those ignorant statements and see if we can make some more clarifying statements that can not only protect our children, but also teach them, as they get older to protect themselves and their own children.

Helpful Statement #1 (to our children)

“There are a lot of really horrible people out there in the world. I am going to do my best to protect you from harm at all costs. I know though, I cannot protect you from everything. If someone ever treats you in a way that makes you uncomfortable, talks to you wrongly, remember that it is not your fault, even if they say it is, and please come and talk to your dad or me about it right away. If someone ever says not to tell, you especially need to remember that this is the time to tell. I cannot protect you from things I do not know about. Do not ever feel you are being disrespectful if a visitor, minister or even one of our relatives makes you feel uncomfortable. Tell me about it. I will not force you to be polite to them.”

Helpful Statement #2

“I am going to do my absolute best to keep my children protected and in my sight. I know that there will come a time when I will have to allow them to grow as an adult and be in the world without me. I pray that I can teach them to make sound judgments as they grow about who they are around, not being vulnerable to harm, but also realizing that I am human and I need to learn that even though I work to protect them the most that I can, I will fail.  I must learn to trust God with their care and protection.”

Helpful Statement #3

“I will refrain from judging others and thinking that I would have done differently in their shoes. I do not know what goes on in all homes and many mothers and fathers are completely ignorant of abuse, even though that is hard for me to fathom.”

To close this article out, I would just want to say, that while some of this info may be hard for us to understand, accept,  or even want to know about, if we want to protect our children, it is important to learn and to accept the real facts and not just what we wish it was like.”

*Closing note from me (Clara):  A very special thanks to our guest blogger.  You can feel the pain she expresses when writing.  You can feel her intense desire to help educate others so that their children will not become victims of molestation.

Please don’t ever say, “It can’t happen in my home.”  It can and it does happen in many, many homes.  I’ll say it again — listen to the statistics.  They prove that molesters are actively searching for our children.  Look in a room — maybe a church assembly — and really think about this:  1 in every 4 girls has been or will be molested.  This is tragic!

It’s time parents start talking to their children about abuse.  Believe your children when they give you “hints” or come right out and tell you about their abuse! 

Remember that pedophiles aren’t hiding behind some dark bush with a mask over their face waiting to prance on children.  Pedophiles are teachers, preachers, nurses, doctors, mechanics, farmers…..pedophiles can be anyone!!  And, they are most often the people who have groomed us to love them and respect them and believe them.

Stop believing lies and start listening to our children!  We absolutely must take off our blinders and see things as they really are!  It’s time to make it so difficult for the pedophiles to get to our children that they finally give up! 

Thank you for reading.  Thank you for sharing this information.  And, thank you for caring enough to do all you can to help protect our children from molesters!

Love,

Clara