Married to a Pedophile: “Pedophiles Are So Credible and So Charming!”

Have you ever questioned the statistics about how many children are sexually abused?  One in five girls and one in every twenty boys have been sexually assaulted in the United States — and this statistic is only for the abuse that has been reported!  It’s a fact that due to repression  or  fear of being hated, ugly, and unloved, most children will never speak out about their childhood sexual abuse.

The facts are daunting and at times unbelievable until………..until the sexual molestation somehow becomes personal.

To be perfectly honest, I never really thought at all about children being molested.  In fact, I really didn’t have knowledge that such evil existed.  Not until my husband — the man I loved and adored for almost forty years — was arrested for child molestation!  last week about how bold John was becoming with his actions.  Now that I am armed with knowledge, as I look back on what was happening at that time in our lives, I want to scream.  I want to punch a wall.  I want to stand on a mountain and say, “He’s evil.  Get away from him!  He’s not who you think he is!”   There were signs all around suggesting that something was very wrong, but nobody, including me, saw the signs.

*Note:  If you’re new to the blog, please start here.  The blog continues in chronological order as you just click on to the arrow that says next at the top of each page (in blue).

Okay, at this time John was getting more and more open with his passionate drive to spend time alone with children.  By now he was to the point of “forcing” himself on people to babysit their children — always for free.  He was doing things like buying toys for children at church and he would offer to take them in a room to play while their parents could have the freedom to listen to the sermon.  He was also becoming more and more involved with families who had young children when he preached out-of-town.  He wanted little ones to call him “Pap” — the name my own grandchildren called him.

Can you see how close he wanted the children and the parents to feel to him?  He wanted to affectionately be called by the name his own family called him!  How brilliant on his part! 

As I mentioned last time, John and I were now separated.  As I think back on this, I cannot believe I got the courage to stand up for myself and say that I was no longer happy living with him and I wouldn’t continue on as things were.  Of course, he left on his own conditions, and he also spread around publicly that I was the cause of our family’s demise. He said I was unwilling to talk to him.  He said I was causing his heart to break.  He said I was causing our children immense pain and suffering.  He said I was a liar.  He said I was turning my back on the family.  And, on and on it went.

And, you know what?  He was believed!  Why?  Because he had made certain that every action of his was so well thought out and so well planned that he was viewed as being one hundred percent credible and charming!  And, that is exactly how manipulative, controlling pedophiles work!  That is exactly how pedophiles win over parents and children so that they can get access to sexually molest children.  That is exactly how John Hinton was able to molest children and get away with it from the age of fourteen to sixty-two!

I’m furious as I write this because as adults — especially Christian adults — are so gullible at times.  We desperately want to see the good in others so much that often our eyes are totally blinded to the truth!  And, this was just the case with John.

John was very active on the internet at this time with Facebook. He was working very little — he was still a weekend traveling preacher, and he was in an intensive hunt for a job as a manny.  So that allowed him plenty of free hours each day to play.

Some of my children urged me to create a Facebook account so that I could look for old friends, and keep up with family members who lived away.  I thought it was an okay idea, but I didn’t have a clue how to do it.  Technology isn’t my greatest asset, I can tell you that!  And, every one of my children will attest to that fact!

Anyway, I created an account and before I knew it I had a friend request from someone named “Big Bad.”  Keep in mind that I didn’t know how to navigate around the internet except for emails, so I decided to send John an email and ask him what I should do.

Oh, did he have a hearty laugh on that one!  He explained how to accept a friend request if I knew the person and wanted to connect with them.  And, then he said something that will haunt me forever.  “Hey, be sure to accept the request from ‘Big Bad’.  He wants to keep a good eye on you!”

You guessed it!  HE had made a profile naming himself “Big Bad.”  (Use your imagination just a bit to think what his implication was by choosing that as his name.  I get physically ill thinking about it.)   

I accepted him as a friend, but something felt weird. Odd.  Not right.  He had a profile picture of himself with that smirk and it made me tense up immediately.   And, he had picture after picture of himself with little children — almost exclusively little girls — that I didn’t know.  He was holding them on his lap.  He was swinging them in the air.  Some of them were pictures of the little girls sleeping.  Some were of the little girls eating in restaurants — with him I’m assuming. Many were of the little girls in pajamas or swim suits and shorts.  There is nothing unusual or profane about the pictures he took.  But, one thing struck me as very strange.   The parents of the children were missing in the pictures, and it really bugged me to know who all of these new faces were.

And, even more odd was the fact that his pictures consisted of mainly little girls the same age. 

So, I emailed him.  Quite frankly, I was a good bit perturbed because he had pictures of little children that weren’t our grandchildren.  No offense meant to anyone because I love children, but to be honest, I love my grandchildren in a different way.  They are mine and I love them on a much deeper, much personal level and I’m a bit protective of that.  To see John with all of these other children made me a bit angry!

“Who are these little kids?  How do you know all of them?”

“They’re my adopted grandkids.  I’ve met them at churches where I’ve preached.  Some are kids that I’ve babysat or brought food to their homes.  They don’t get much attention at home, if any, so I’m just making them feel loved.  They all call me Pap.”

Now, here’s the real bummer.  I fell for it!  I honestly fell for his lies!!  And, you want to know what’s even worse?  I condemned myself for not loving other little children more.  In fact, I said to John, “You’re a much better person than I.  I couldn’t get that mushy over little kids who weren’t mine.  I don’t know…I just can’t do it.”

His response was convincing.  “Well, you know how much I’ve always loved kids and now that I have time on my hands I’m dedicating it to helping little ones who don’t get much love, if any, at home.”

His charm was so credible!  I felt so ashamed for thinking wrongly of him! 

Can you see what I didn’t see?  Can you see how bold he was in posting pictures?  Can you see how he blatantly lied to me and got away with it?  Can you see how he came off looking like such a great, wonderful caring person to others?  Can you see how I fell right into his trap again and again and again?  Can you see how he was doing things more and more publicly and nobody questioned him?  Do you understand why?

Are you “getting it” as to how pedophiles get away with sexually molesting children without ever looking like a suspect of wrong doing?

Pedophiles are smart.  They take a long time to study and plan how to make certain you will fall into their trap of lies.  They will take their lies and evil actions and turn them around to look like something beautiful leaving you feeling ashamed for ever questioning their actions.  They will talk with charm.

Pedophiles are believable.

Pedophiles are also people who commit the worst actions imaginable on children.  They use young, innocent children to satisfy their own malicious needs.  They will take away the innocence of childhood and that is something that can never be given back.  They will use their power to make a child feel powerless.  They are crafty and will twist the minds of adults to adore them and believe them and then to allow them to be trusted with the most precious gift in the world — a child!

It’s time we wise up to the fact that pedophiles are everywhere.  And, they’re not the dirty old men lurking in the bushes.  John Hinton sure didn’t come off as a dirty old man.  He was charming and he was credible!  Jerry Sandusky didn’t come off as a dirty old man.  He was loved and adored by thousands of people who entrusted their children to him!

Don’t be as blind as I was to the red flags that were waving in my face!  If you see someone with an unnatural desire to be around young children, please pay close attention!  Keep in mind, too, that most victims know their abuser. That is a frightening, but true fact!

Pay attention to young children when they try to give you clues as to what has been happening in their young lives. Often, they want to tell, but they’re too afraid they will not be believed!  Look for possible signs that a child may have been abused.

Lastly, if you have suspicions of child sexual abuse, REPORT!!!!  If you’re wrong, you’re wrong.  If you’re right, you have saved a child from a lifetime of pain!!!

Thank you for listening and caring.  I know this isn’t easy to read, but it’s the most important information you need!  I appreciate you continuing to pass on this information to others.  Education is powerful, and it’s time we get armed and educated — for the children!

The next time we’re together, I’ll share what was in the email that John accidentally sent to me.  He was so bold and he had no fear of getting caught.  In his mind he was unstoppable!!!

Thank you, again, for helping me to advocate and educate for the safety of our children.

Love,

Clara

If you are interested in me speaking to your church, your PTA, your school administration, your parent’s group, please email me at:  clarahintonspeaker@gmail.com